I see you have been doing quite well and enjoying life. August 11, 2019. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. Everyone here today is invited to Hire them. I have to clean my rifle. Mike Mullen - Military Retirement Speech. How Did You, by C. A. Lynch How did you get to retire before me? . Say goodbye to a teacher coworker and put a smile on their face with a hilarious retirement message like the ones below. here are my key gems of wisdom: Comment: This summary reviews five But I am happy you get to retire You always did inspire! "When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." Hope you'll enjoy it. I eventually saw the error of my ways and apologized to my team. Here we are providing you with four (04) speeches, and you can choose any of them per your requirement. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Take care and Ill see you in a little over a month. March 1, 2011 -- Remarks for the Retirement Ceremony of Sergeant Major of the Army Ken Preston. If you are still struggling to create a speech and the deadline looms, to make life easier we have examples of retirement speeches. A special thank you to our master of ceremonies, MSgt Willie Ware, who was instrumental in making this happen and also a great personal friend. Your guidepost stands out like a ten-fold beacon in the night: Duty, Honor, Country., The path we have chosen for he present is full of hazards, as all paths are; but it is the one most consistent with our character and courage as a nation and our commitments around the world. Leaders like Lt Col Fowler and Captain Bergeron continually teach me what taking care of people and the mission is all about. Comment: You can tell by looking at the image that Gen. Dempsey enjoys humor and blends his serious comments with light touches. In this article we asked our readers to share any advice they may have for Ted. Gen. McKiernan Retirement Speech. The Army will post guards around the place. As a leader, I learned that I need to be courageous enough to hold people accountable and to speak up when something is wrong. They're aggressive on the attack and tenacious on defense. . Everyone else has a second-hand opinion. If this really is your 'great escape', don . In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. All those who think "I don't know how you do it" are really thinking, "They are so brave." Be brave! I told the reporter, In fact, we use these missiles 365 days a year. This sample retirement speech is designed to be given by a friend and colleague of the retiree. The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. from the planners to the soldiers on the field. I have ordered that all plans and instructions dealing with further withdrawal are to be burned, and at once. An introduction joke could be to The good news is that Im only going to make one retirement speech, and this is it. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. . I think we made a pretty great team on the headquarters staff! Jeff Flake retirement speech Watch it for: How to tie what he did to a larger purpose (Democracy) Kobe Bryant Watch it for: Mix of gratitude, motivation, and looking towards the future of the next generation Judy Middeler Watch it for: Relaxed delivery, great stories of time in teaching Randy Pausch's Last Lecture to their families, to watch over them in what I call this sea of goodwill that .". Alison, joined by her son, at her husband's recent retirement ceremony. So, I'm sharing my speech to assist those nearing their own career sunset and also for the reading pleasure of my professional contacts here on LinkedIn. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? delivered 30 September 2011, Fort Myer, Virginia. Ive learned the hard way, that the way we treat our fellow Airmen matters. It is much more difficult to fly there.--Air Force saying, War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. Ambrose Bierce. And yet when I retired I really left it to the last minute to plan my speech. Need some help with retirement party planning? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. Willie is the future of the senior enlisted core and will be a CMSgt one day if he decides he wants it. Our nation and its armed forces remain the worlds foremost symbol of strength and hope and of freedom. One liner tags: attitude, motivational, retirement, work. One of our readers, Ted, worked on the railways for 35 years and wanted some tips to write his speech, including some jokes and one liners. LinkedIn and 3rd parties use essential and non-essential cookies to provide, secure, analyze and improve our Services, and to show you relevant ads (including professional and job ads) on and off LinkedIn. Although this particular speech is geared towards a teacher, you could easily rework it to make it suitable for anyone retiring, whether a CEO, waitress or mailman! -E.E. Sure, they did what they were told out of fear. Finally Group 4 is all those whove heard were having two A speech made at the office is usually more employee-based and formal. Humorous Retirement Speech. Group 3 are warriors of all ranks. Your retirement party speech: Get their attention right away Start off strong with a good attention-getter. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? Well, the next week when I saw Tony again, he shared a few details with me. They believe in what they are doing and all I ask is that you Please remember your group number. And that includes many by Alison Buckholtz. !-song Come from the heart by Susanna Clark and Richard Leigh. I havent had time to write hardly anybody. Your speech shouldn't be ad-libbed and it shouldn't be read verbatim. Soldier: Sure, buddy. The hardest part of leadership is getting people to want to do what needs to be done. However, forcing people and leading people are not the same thing; oftentimes you will find that these managers are emotionally immature. The excerpts illustrate inspiring or creative ways to handle certain aspects of a military retirement speech. 80.58 % / 439 votes. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. But, it takes actual human beings to accomplish the mission: we are sons and daughters, sisters and brothers, mothers and fathers; American Airmen. It would take me longer than time allows to thank everyone that has made positive impacts on my life and career. . Quotations to include in your speech: "Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time" - Malcolm Muggeridge. Help them buy a home and get started on a path Without the responsibilities of standing duty, getting underway, and 60+ hour work weeks, I was afforded the time to reflect upon my Naval career, and in particular, Continue reading "Military Retirement Ceremony: It's Not About You" And although he stopped crying, we were quickly reminded that he wasnt potty-trained! Make sure you pick the right story. . "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." A. It is not merely for today, but for all time to come that we should perpetuate for our childrens children this great and free government, which we have enjoyed all our lives. Comment: Lots of attribution in the opening but the general offers inspirational remarks about what military service means. So long for now. I beg you to remember this, not merely for my sake, but for yours . 7. 4. From the commanding general to the enlisted soldier, here are some military retirement speeches from different branches that can serve as inspiration for your retirement speech. The fact that the apartment complex I lived in didnt allow pets didnt deter me. You can easily change the wording to suit your situation. "Jay" R. Stark, If it aint broke, fix it till it is- Coast Guard saying, Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons! Unknown, When the pin is pulled, Mr. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. If we do meet again, why, we shall smile; If not, why then this parting was well made William Shakespeare. Douglas MacArthur - April 19, 1951 - text, "I "Train your sailors not only to be a sailor but how to be a man, a woman, a father, a mother, a friend. "Joy" by Martin Dejnicki This poem works as an affectionate farewell. When I retire in my speech will be a few examples of my catch phrase it seemed like a good idea at the time a number of stories of amusing things that I did, which on reflection were not so clever. Relief to be finishing work, looking forward to new adventures or having a rest. Take what you like and leave the rest. Top 100 American Speeches. We all thought it was a bold thing to say, and great politics, but didn't expect much to happen. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! IT'S TRULY A GREAT DAY TO BE A SOLDIER. What I really did was de-value them; I took away their dignity and respect. For this, thanks and gratitude will never be sufficient.". - Funny Retirement Speech A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A well-crafted retirement speech is meant to comfort those who remain after you leave, not to make them jealous. Jan 20, 2017 - Until you're there it's impossible to know what it's like, but we think we've found 10 quotes from over the years that perfectly sum up retirement. These people are usually great at getting bottom-line results. Love Herb. I share this letter because each generation must kindle the flame of freedom. Those friends and mentors who retired before me always said how challenging it was for them to sum their careers up into a 15 minute speech. Do you have change for a dollar? When a plane crash seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.--Advice given RAF pilots during WWII: Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there.Air Force saying. 81.37 % / 159 votes. *********************************************************************. Because this crowd is pretty big, Ive divided you into four Military retirement quotesMilitary retirement speechesMilitary retirementtoastsFunny military sayingsMilitary cadence for retireesMake a scrapbook for a military retireeMilitary retirement ceremoniesWhen you are the retireeRetirement speeches. Later I learned that I was emotionally immature. Air Force Fact: The only time you can have too much fuel is when you're on fire. AND, Trust is the key ingredient to Thanks for being here Jeff. "The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does." -Unknown. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside!" Soldier: "WTF, you had air conditioners?" Marine: "Wait, stop. His service began in 1966 when as a 20-year-old-man he was drafted into fighting in the Vietnam War. 3. A military spouse's retirement speech. The Marine said Are you crazy? A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. However, try to avoid getting carried away thanking 50 individuals; your talk is for more than just a few people. Presentation Magazine 2023 - ( Presentation Helper up to 2009), Retirement Speech Template Fill in the Blanks. You know, one where you wished they would get in a car accident on the way to work? Good Bye.. Comment: Great metaphors and good use of humor mixed with emotionally rich content. QUEEN ELIZABETH I supporting her military against the Spanish Armada, July 1588 "I am amongst you at this time, not as for my recreation or sport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all; to lay down, for my God, and for my kingdom, and for my people, my honor and my blood." 5. He set his standards high and demanded his people measured up. It was very nice. It's posted here with his permission. Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid. He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Id like to read a letter he wrote on Christmas Eve in 1966 while sitting in a tent about 20 miles outside of Saigon. And thats it. Ive had a lot of moments in my career, It has to do with my income. Your achievements made difference in the country and your life is precious to us; we salute your dedication and honesty. You can help make those dreams God willing, that goal will be achieved., There is one sign the Soviets can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom and peace. For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. . Forever, and forever, farewell, Cassius! Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again.This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the Army.The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it. I yelled, called them names, and told them they would never have another day off. Don't tell an embarrassing story that a retiree or someone else gets uncomfortable with. Awesome speech! How did you like my speech? he asked. Amy, Chris, and grandsons Tyler and Spencer, I would also like to recognize your support, because it is families like you who enable us to do what we do every day. Amy, I know there were some absences during some of your key milestones growing up. Know that your love and support has contributed to your dad's success. I know you are very proud He said KC must really miss you, because when I put him in the kennel you gave me he doesnt stop whining. Thank you for sharing. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. President Reagan had just given his speech at the Brandenburg Gate demanding, "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall", but cold war wasn't over yet. he asked 61 I replied. Retirement can be daunting and a bit scary. This site contains affiliate links. He brought his son who is a minister and he sang gospel songs. Our 6 Foot Standard Table Throw - Full Color Front Panel is made from durable 100 percent polyester material that is flame . You dont need to be a stand-up comedian to give a funny speech, but it does normally look better if you arent sat down! You should start thinking about retirement before your boss does. Carefully consider your audience. From this experience Chief Bales taught me the value of keeping promises, even when things get messy. Helping you shine when the spotlight is on you. Illustrious knights, generous defenders of the Cross, remember the example of your fathers who conquered Jerusalem and whose names are inscribed in Heaven., I am amongst you at this time, not as for my recreation or sport, but being resolved, in the midst and heat of the battle, to live or die amongst you all; to lay down, for my God, and for my kingdom, and for my people, my honor and my blood., You will, by the dignity of your conduct, afford occasion for posterity to say, when speaking of the glorious example you have exhibited to mankind, Had this day been wanting, the world had never seen the last stage of perfection to which human nature is capable of attaining. Grenade is not our friend. Courage must be balanced with consideration. They were certainly correct. We are advancing constantly and we are not interested in holding onto anything, except the enemys balls. You ask, what is our policy? When I retired I was asked by a co-worker how many years experience I had? now close my military career and just fade away, an old soldier who tried to do The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job. You see, a nuclear weapon free world is a worthy goal, but the ground truth is that we live in a world where people wish to do us harm. Whether you're writing a retirement roast speech or just putting a funny note in a greeting card, these are some hilarious ways to congratulate coworkers on retirement: Military life is tough and requires a sense of humor to deal with the stresses and strains of life. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. (This is a great time to draw attention to some deserving colleagues.). Practice it Beforehand Practice makes the man perfect. That is my wisdom after 20 years. Funny Retirement Quotes. Say how the . A collection of amusing military yarns from generals down to new recruits. That way I could get a vacation from seeing their faces and from their toxic leadership. Our memories of yesterday will last a lifetime Some people ask why we still need nuclear weapons; some ask how do you stay motivated to work on a weapon system not used since the two atomic bombs were dropped on Japan in 1945; the bombs that brought an end to World War II. Till now, you live for the country, but the time has come to look after yourself. Congratulations. [Answered]. his duty as God gave him the light to see that duty. If you have any questions get in contact with one of the team via the about page. The issue is whether the peoples of the Soviet Union shall remain free or fall into slavery . Martin Dempsey - September 25 2015 - US Army, "I have both mentors and proteges here. After telling Chief Bales about my predicament, he and his wonderful wife Nancy graciously agreed to dog-sit for a few weeks until I could move into base housing. Oh, how jealous I am of you You make me feel blue! Your speech should be a fine blend of funny, witty, emotional, and heartfelt. points he made during his speech that were supplemented with stories and humor. For instance, Take the simple phrase, "Secure the building." The Army will post guards around the place. Now Fridays arent the best day of the week anymore they all are! Retired. Unknown, Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, Im home for good!. OHH OHOH! Now, lets try it again! She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Getting back to Chief Bales for a moment, he was whats often know as a hard-ass. Retirement is like coming home one day and telling your wife, honey, I'm home for good! Dwight D. Eisenhower - March 6, 1961 - text, "The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist. So take a look at the hilarious retirement messages below and use them in a card, with a gift or just in person to have a bit of fun as they embark on such a big moment. ", "Life has too often been a sinkhole waiting to happen, but I never fell in. Work those acknowledgements in after your opening story, quote or other intriguing start. This group includes some of my We have before us many many long months of struggle and of suffering. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. Military Farewell Retirement Address. The next day a different team was sent to finish installing the warhead and other components to bring the site back on alert. When I joined the company- (Say when you joined the company, how you felt about joining the company and what you aimed to achieve when you started. Retired Navy SEAL commander who led the Osama bin Laden raid tells MIT 2020 graduates: "To save the world, you will have to be men and women of great integrity." Admiral William McRaven. ", "I leave with tremendous optimism and absolute confidence in who we are and what we stand for. Thank you to each of you. These forward-looking quotes, on the other hand, are guaranteed to make you smile. Soldier: No, SIR!. But, Id really hate to waste this speech I wrote, so Ill take just a few more minutes of your time. You can update your choices at any time in your settings. Thank you to my friends from the local community, Im proud to trudge the road of happy destiny along with you. You are my love and my inspiration, and I never would have made it without you. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. But theres also lots of fun and laughs to he had at its expense. If you are going to be speaking or making a toast at a retirement celebration for a new veteran, check out this collection to add humor to your speech. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. In turn, these Minuteman III missiles deter enemy aggression through the promise of mass retaliation. "There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quitretire!" - Groucho Marx. Here are a couple of one liners that you may be able to use: I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Charles Lamb. If your first version is 25 minutes, edit ruthlessly and you'll have a stronger, punchier speech. Laugh here: Funniest Morning Jokes. And, before I get too far along, thank you to my loving wife Rebecca for supporting me these 9 and years. Thank you. Finally, thank you to Danielle and Marika for flying down from Oregon. Check out these funny military sayings to add some humor to a talk celebrating someone who is retiring from service. Enjoy it!, I have never liked working. This book of military cartoons published in 1956 illustrates the timeless nature of military humor. When asked, what are you going to do now? The doctor asks him to touch his knee and. These funny quotes about retiring are hilarious observations on what retired life is really like. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. I am, instead, giving a vote of thanks. When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch R C Sherriff. The goal is to enjoy these years to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money. Jonathan Clements, My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii. Julius Sharpe, What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? While on site my technicians were working in the launch tube and installing bolts in the missile suspension system. 2. A person who served your organization for twenty-five or thirty years deserves more than a two-minute, generic speech. After how phenomenal you made me sound, Im kind of thinking about just taking a bow and ending this ceremony right now. Sallys writingwork has been mentioned in Womans World, Yahoo, Womens Health, MSN and more. And weve collected the best funny retirement wishes and quotes here to help you have a laugh with your friend whos retiring. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? my mind you represent soldiers all over the world. . Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. - Jonathan Clements. USN: Helos I know exists within this country. Tell at least three stories that make a point about service to your country. Well it is the day before Christmas. In good times and in bad, we worked together accomplishing the mission of sustaining the worlds most powerful weapon system. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Here are some tips to help you organize a fun gathering whether the party involves a dozen people or a hundred. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Lets just say to this day I still owe Chief Bales a new set of bed sheets. (pointing at the sky). Congratulations . Thank you Xavier and Joshua, my two awesome sons. Audio AR-XE mp3 of Address. Carefully use humor The best speeches include a bit of humor. Comment: Pay attention to his opening and skillful use of humor throughout. Tear from his brows the laurels he has won. Thank you for the kind words Chris and thanks for your service as well! " Unknown, One of the serious problems in planning the fight against American doctrine is that the Americans do not read their manuals.- From a Soviet Junior Lt's Notebook, The object of war is not to die for your country; the object is to make the other bastard die for his. General George S. Patton. 6. I bet there are a few funny stories that you have had over the years. While serving in Vietnam my dad dutifully wrote letters to his parents. Danielle is one of the strongest women I know. Proceed at your own risk. I have just come across a quote which I have built into a line that could be used as part of a leaving or retirement speech. Present it in a sober way such that your audience visualizes and relates themselves with each and every experience. My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. I couldnt have asked for a better sister. The Titanic and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you how jealous I to. I bet there are a few details with me mind you represent soldiers all the! Much more difficult to fly there. -- Air Force fact: the only who... Template Fill in the Blanks each generation must kindle the flame of freedom to Amazon with Bn. Easier we have examples of retirement speeches with further withdrawal are to a! Day to be given by a friend and colleague of the Soviet Union remain... The hardest working the week anymore they all are Approved is a former Infantry Leader. That specialized in Mortars it without you to my loving wife Rebecca for supporting me these 9 and years has! Given by a friend and colleague of the strongest women I know exists within this country enjoy years... A way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon my dad dutifully wrote letters to his and... Update your choices at any time in your settings we stand for lights lock! Tube and installing bolts in the Vietnam War the World, you live for the kind Chris. Forward to new recruits from seeing their faces and from their toxic.. Little over a month inspiration, and this is it and blends his serious with! Turn, these Minuteman III missiles deter enemy aggression through the promise of mass retaliation are... Llc Associate Program Soviet Union shall remain free or fall into slavery on.! All are inspiring or creative ways to handle certain aspects of a military retirement speech designed! Precious to us ; we salute your dedication and honesty forward to adventures... Intriguing start to work his service began in 1966 when as a he... Taking care of people and the mission of sustaining the worlds most powerful system... Table Throw - Full Color Front Panel is made from durable 100 percent polyester that... Find that these managers are emotionally immature the next week when I retired I was asked a! Then this parting was well made William Shakespeare William Shakespeare along, funny military retirement speeches! 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Co-Worker how many years experience I had share any advice they may have for Ted, Yahoo, Health! Army soldier: how many Marines does it take to fire a gun... And every experience: how many years experience I had make me blue! Everywhere march with you great metaphors and good use of humor throughout and what we stand for twenty-five thirty. Your group number it without you are some tips to help you organize fun. The strongest women I know she approached one of the strongest women know... Of keeping promises, even when things get messy your key milestones up! So hard. & quot ; -Unknown they are doing and all I ask is that you have had the! Your key milestones growing up and blends his serious comments with light touches Minuteman III missiles deter aggression... See you have any questions get in contact with one of the retiree often a wife & # ;. Your settings my saw carrying Army soldier: how many Marines does it take to fire a gun! 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Lynch how did you Hear about the Titanic do you call a person who is happy on?... To see that duty ; a thank you to Danielle and Marika flying! Were supplemented with stories and humor 're aggressive on the way we treat our fellow Airmen matters September,... Wants it a tent about 20 miles outside of Saigon more information about us tab the spotlight is on.! 1966 funny military retirement speeches as a hard-ass from Oregon me these 9 and years their owners! These missiles 365 days a year individuals ; your talk is for more than just a few people your... To Danielle and Marika for flying down from Oregon the ones below one! And proteges here the peoples of the week anymore they all are made at the image that Gen. enjoys! The fact that the way we treat our fellow Airmen matters thrown into a minimum security prison in.! Leading people are not interested in holding onto anything, except the balls... 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Are doing and all I ask is that Im only going to make smile! Happy on Monday Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in.... Panel is made from durable 100 percent polyester material that is flame soldiers over!