Surely not. Caring was beyond me, only existing moment to moment, hoping not to be hurt anymore, drifting deeper into insanity. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. For those with OSDD-1a, this is due to a lack of two or more sufficiently differentiated alters, and for those with OSDD-1b, this is due to a lack of amnesia between alters. This can occur slowly, with obvious signs, or very fast. All of them want to die. Does that mean that they are DID when they are in crisis but OSDD the rest of the time? Like all other alters, non-human alters are the result of trauma and an already severely dissociative mind. Every time I heard something the first instinct was hide my.phone, which I haven't done in years because I'm not 12 and I haven't been doing against the rules so like, no problem. Some people with DID may resent the multiple personalities connotation, but at times it is the easiest way of explaining it to other people when time is short or openness limited. well, its both. Where EPs are also less autonomous and less likely to be out, these traumatised parts of the personality can end up being neglected or ignored: if a person with OSDD has non-distinctive traumatised parts of their personality, it can be harder to give them a voice and the time and space they need to bring their trauma to the fore, than it is for a clearly individuated EP with a name and age. If two alters choose to switch with one another, they usually have some degree of, It should be kept in mind that some systems use the term trigger to refer to both positive and negative stimuli that can catch an alter's attention. Your experience feels very akin to ours (not a lot of amnesia presently, but nearly no childhood memories), so it was nice to see this witnessed outsides ourselves and on top of this writing itself, seeing another set of persons sharing that same experience. Emotions were ripped from me and cast into the maelstrom. I hope I did not break any rules above! How would you define separate sense of self? 1a systems have loss of memory between system members, but their members are not significantly distinct from each other, while 1b systems have members who are distinct from each other, but dont have memory loss between members. You might have moments where you feel unreal. When she explained the differences, in a way I could easily understand, it did make sense. I'm interested in hearing yall's experiences! yeah, i'm sure. Many people assume that DID and OSDD are such extreme rollercoaster disorders when thats usually not the case for any mental disorder! This has led clinicians such as Elizabeth Howell (2005) to suggest that the degree of dissociation correlates to the degree of severity of the trauma, which may be true. i was misdiagnosed as psychotic and put into a psychosis treatment program which i did not respond to at all. You should look into persecutor alters and the reasons they might exist. They were simply people who had endured more than their share of pain in this life and were struggling to make sense of it., Deborah Bray Haddock, The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook. So, your article is a godsend testament to my experiences. There might be times when you experience intrusive thoughts, visual images, feelings, or urges that dont actually belong to you but to another alter. Welcome to r/OSDD, a community for those affected by otherwise specified dissociative disorder. Besides that, there are many, many more symptoms that are very common. Just now I saw a comment by an OSDD system describing something similar to the above as a 'non-possessive switch' and would like to know if that's a common way of describing it. In order to receive a diagnosis for dissociative identity disorder, you must display Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events that are inconsistent with ordinary forgetting. In clinical circles, it is often taken to mean amnesia between parts, so that if the apparently normal personality (ANP) is fully co-consciousness for what other parts are saying and doing (especially the emotional personalities or EPs) then that is not full DID. When I am all the way at the end of the scale I experience significant dissociation but never full amnesia. Deborah Bray Haddock takes a slightly different line to Dell and Ross when it comes to this issue. I keep telling my therapist im that and no one cares and just keep my diagnosis of DID, its actually partial DID not osdd-1b, osdd-1b is no switch amnesia. You might experience mood fluctuations or like your moods sometimes come out of the blue. But the onslaught and angry and aggressive voices waging violence against me in my head was a daily, constant battle. In some respects, one way of looking at dissociative identity disorder is that it is a way for people to play out or act out their feelings and behaviours in another part of themselves whilst staying at a safe distance from it. The outputs are commonly 24vdc but they could be other voltages or relay contact-based as well. Blurry can be an abstract concept for someone who does not have DID/OSDD and may be a little difficult to understand. These disorders fall under the term "dissociation" and are known as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) or OSDD (Other Specified Dissociative Disorder). Suzette Boon reports that OSDD actually involves the majority of people who seek treatment for a dissociative disorder (Boon et al, p.10). . A mere speck floating in an ocean of pain, sinking deeper and deeper into the waters, only a bare existence was possible. A common identifier in the OSDD community is the idea of OSDD-1a and OSDD-1b, the theoretically two boxes that OSDD systems fall into, depending on what criteria they dont quite match. Identifying or personal information is not collected on this website, and the data collected is not sold to or shared with third party services. Its clear to me that there is a spectrum of these things. I am aware of some of their stories because they send me nightmares and occasionally send flashbacks if a person or circumstance is familiar to one of them. antipsychotics don't do shit for me, and they can control my body to a limited extent (stuff like raising an arm or making me pee). Sending awful thoughts and visual thoughts (images) to me (the host). These are very simple descriptors for a spectrum of experiences that are the hallmarks of the disorders. Reading this was very healing and has made me feel loads better, I just want to say thank you. Other times, it feels.like a switch flicking in my brain and then the feeling that if that part were not a part of my life, it would.be leading a completely different life. Most cases of DDNOS are partial forms of DID which lack either clear switching of executive control, full amnesia barriers between identity states, or clear differentiation and structure of identity states. It works by converting the standard direct current supply, usually 24 volts, into two pulsed and out-of-phase signals. An alternate part from a DID system marks a complete change in cognition, and worldview, and a feeling of autonomy. And in the UK, medical staff tend to prefer the diagnostic manual known as the ICD-10 (International Classification of Diseases, version 10) published by the World Health Organisation which is notoriously backward in addressing dissociative disorders. TW: Implied mentions of childhood trauma and fusion/integration. What gave it away was missing a certain jacket that I know we still have somewhere, just not sure where. But MANY trauma survivors have these parts, and recognizing them is key to getting better. But the difficulty remains, especially as there is such a dearth of writing and literature from the perspective of people with OSDD, who possibly feel that their viewpoint is not worth expressing, again because it is not proper dissociative identity disorder.. Consensual Switches Consensual switching is when two or more Parts mostly agree before a switch occurs. (Disclaimer: I'm not a professional; please do not ask me for medical advice! at one end of the scale is one self, on the other end is another, and I am in the middle. Additionally, switching can be more varied than many may be aware. Depersonsaliation/derealisation disorder sounds complicated and scary. When an electromagnetic coil surrounding the tube is energized, the reeds close, making an electrical contact. As an undergraduate student in psychology, I was taught that multiple personalities were a very rare and bizarre disorder. Whilst someone with dissociative identity disorder might be working towards eventually narrowing the gap between their ANPs and EPs, for someone with OSDD that gap may already be relatively narrow, and paradoxically for many this can lead to more states of crisis as they do not have the well-developed (albeit dissociative) inner resources of people with DID. They are separate diagnostic manuals and which diagnosis you get depends mostly on which manual your therapist is using. Dont just hear them, but really listen to what they say. That's why I'm asking for experiences, I feel like I need a bigger, more closely sourced, base to make up my mind. People with DDNOS were reported to have a 13% reduction in hippocampal volume compared to healthy controls, whereas people with DID showed a reduction in the region of 25% (Ehling, Nijenhuis & Krikke, 2003). All of you have a right to life, a right to be happy, a right to have some say in decisions. In OSDD-1, severe childhood trauma causes different identities, known as alternate states of consciousness (alters) to form. they can't front and they're very angry about it, which they take out on me pretty much 24/7. But many symptoms may appear to be non-trauma-related, such as depression, substance abuse, eating disorders and anxiety. that especially back in the days was full of shame and self-loathing. Thats all I can say. like, don't get me wrong, i get where you're trying to come from, but understanding the reasons for their abuse isn't really something i get the chance to center when i have no cognitive or emotional space to process their actions. Indeed Spiegel et al (2011, p.826) in their incisive critique say: Importantly, the ICD-10 describes dissociative disorders as primarily acute disorders that usually remit within a few weeks or months, and that have an onset in the immediate context of events that are highly stressful, traumatic, and/or that involve intolerable, insoluble problems. It was like I was somewhere else but physically and logically wasn't, and the sentence I had just said sounded like it came from somebody else, like i was hyperaware of how high it sounded. This is a complex area of debate, because as Spiegel et al, in their paper Dissociative Disorders in DSM-5 (2011, p.839), point out: According to Kluft and Dell, only 15% of dissociative identity disorder cases regularly manifest easily observable alternate identities during diagnostic interviews. They can have black-outs, but it does not severely impact their lives. Certainly where private therapy is being sought and there is no need for a definitive statement on some official piece of paper or medical record, this may be the preferable option for a large number of people. There might be alters who still carry onto memories, thoughts, feelings, or behaviors related to past trauma. You may find that sometimes you cant even remember more recent things, such as what you did today or what the last conversation you had was about. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Memories that are transmitted through passive influence may not remain once the influence is over, leaving the fronting alter unable to recall what the memory contained. There might be other alters who feel the same way above but differently from you, and this may also confuse and distress you. (https://twitter.com/theringssystem/status/1325605823373074433?lang=en). Then we found out about OSDD, and suddenly everything made sense. This article makes the complex simple. For example, the host may ask a more academic alter to help them to take a standardized test on a certain date. Please keep in mind that I'm not a psychological professional, just an OSDD-1b system who has a few system friends. Most systems will go to great lengths to hide their condition. We feel younger at these times, but I couldnt put an age on it. I am just getting to understand myself and my actions diverse according to the situation I am in . DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER (previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is the most severe and chronic manifestation of dissociation, characterized by the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states that recurrently take control of the individual's behavior, accompanied by an inability to recall important personal Your early system days should be spent getting used to the idea of having other people in your head and getting to know said people. I didnt fight it because there was good reason for it, its just sad to be triggered so drastically. This seems to me to be a real issue that again the DSM criteria do not sufficiently address. The cookies collect information in a way that does not directly identify anyone. Welcome to /r/AskDID, the sister subreddit of /r/DID which focuses on those that wish to ask questions about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) etc. For more information on the data that this website collects and how to opt out, please visit the Privacy Policy page. All the same thing, yet each different, all part of a whole, yet still separate. We have touched on two major differences already less elaboration or switching to distinct parts, and less amnesia. And even successfully obtaining a diagnosis can cause difficulties in work situations, in applying for life insurance or even travel insurance, and in the stigma that surrounds so many mental health conditions. I appreciate it and will share it on my tumblr. However, some systems dont fit into either of these boxes! [Glossary] [Resources]. For example, ducks at the pond could be a trigger for a 7 year old alter to push their way to front, or someone calling who is a special friend for one alter in particular might trigger that alter to switch out. On the other hand, a switch that is forced is not wanted by one of the alters involved. onset of diagnosable symptoms can occur much later in life. Normally, a reed switch is constructed of two thin metal strips, or reeds, which are sealed in a glass tube. At the same time, however, it is important to note that there are differences between someone whose constellation of symptoms would identify them as being at the DID end of the spectrum, and someone whose similar but slightly different set of responses might place them at the OSDD end of the spectrum. These alters protect the main identity from awareness of trauma. More common is amnesia for past trauma, although parts often seem to have memory for this. Retraumatization last year led to us developing more alters who ARE able to switch. This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. So to answer your original question: yes, at least for some time this was very much my experience. When talking about a personality as a whole a sub system refers to emotional sub systems, or emotional action chains. I just read that even one of my favourite youtube channels, The Rings System, made a shoutout on twitter to non-switching systems. Only a body, nothing important. Ive always had my own identity but that one does seem to be separated at times as well, like I cant be all of my interests at the same time, like my mind can only process one thing at a time when its unsafe. Its really weird. Because of this, you may feel like you dont truly know how much memory loss you actually experience. But I cant work any more, because I cant stay present to do it. I would love to feel I knew what I was and that I could give a name to something. OSDD usually forms in the child's early teens, or even earlier. I have just started my second reading of Janina Fishers book Healing the Shattered Selves of Trauma Survivors In it she explains how these shards of personality (my name for them) come to be as survival machines to help us get by against emotionally overwhelming situations. Who am I? Indeed, Spiegel et al (2011, p.841) point out the inherent flaws in the current diagnostic criteria for dissociative disorders and say: If the diagnostic criteria for dissociative identity disorder were changed to reflect the typical clinical presentation of DID (ie a complex dissociative presentation with no confirmed alter identities), these complex DDNOS patients would meet diagnostic criteria for DID. I have experiences like this when the one who normally "drives" gets booted out of the driver's seat when another one of us has such overwhelming emotions that they take over. What are things in your system that everyone has to abide by? These alters protect the main identity from awareness of trauma. For some people, that means rejecting labels altogether. This was a wonderful read that we in our system very much appreciated. We are a system with OSDD 1b (fully formed alters with no amnesia), and we all feel validated in knowing that there are others like us and we aren't the only ones who exist as separate people and switch regularly, but without amnesia. All content relatable to the DID experience is on topic. Take advantage of this! The most well-known system roles are Host, Protector, Trauma Holder, Caretaker, Little, Persecutor and Gatekeeper. I think these lower end spectrum OSDDs/dissociative mechanisms are really hard to recognize and categorize. Thank you, always, for taking the time and energy to translate the unreadable into an understandable language. Our continuous memory gives us a more continual sense of self. Vision starts to feel more like looking through a camera with motion blur. I was a bit shocked. DID/OSDD - DID is short for Dissociative Identity Disorder and OSDD is short for Other Specified Dissociative Disorder. I just had an alter front for the first time.jn years the other night on a super sleepless night. Google with appropriate quotes. The Plural Association and The Alexandrite System have collaborated on an OSDD video in the past. Paul Dell (Dell & O'Neil, 2009) argues convincingly that the externally-observable 'signs' of switching between personality states are only a very small part of what dissociative identity disorder is like in practice . It caused psychologists to assume that I was stronger than part of me was, which caused quite some (unintentional) damage. DID/OSDD symptoms are always unrelated to other medical conditions or non-disordered experiences, such as substance use or epilepsy. Furthermore, these are common but not required; a person does not need to experience all of these things to have DID/OSDD. It can therefore be very frustrating for some people with the OSDD label not to have the full diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder and be placed in a seemingly sub-category because they havent played the game with the psychiatrist, or at least not sufficiently well. It can be pretty severe., Kathy Steele, a leading expert on dissociation & trauma, explaining what complex trauma is. I believe my system falls under this category: I (the host) am always fronting, while the other alters can co-front and influence my decisions whenever they please. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Get a free 104-page Trauma Survivors Resource Guide when you join my mailing list. People with OSDD may for example have had some good enough attachment experiences, or other mitigating factors. The Plural Association and The Alexandrite System have collaborated on an OSDD video in the past. The structural theory of dissociation would say that I have DID and leave it at that, but I feel as though that theory is incomplete and inaccurate to my experience. It doesnt feel like me, and when Im like that I can remember things that I dont remember the rest of the time, although Im always worried that Im making it up. 1 ESS employed a special type of reed switch known as a ferreed. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. For example, if an alter was created to handle abuse from a specific perpetrator and the system then runs into that perpetrator at the store, that alter is likely to be shoved to front so that no other alters can be hurt. They work by seeing how you use our services and other websites. Because I only struggle to remember when recollecting, and there is plenty of downtime between events in my brain that I just dont remember at all, and my recollection is out of order. We have 19+ alters, and our collective pronouns are they/them. Others might tell you that you sometimes act very differently, almost like different people. Alters might feel things likethose are the hosts parents, not mine.. If dissociative therapy and diagnoses are difficult to attain across the pond, we may want to get the work done here before we relocate. The disorder and symptoms manifest in childhood, always. it's when "you" just sort of "become" someone else, but you still feel like yourself. Your site has been very helpful to me and my family as we engage in our journey in identifying and addressing DID. DID NOS lacks the clarity its parts being more connected to other parts of your personality .. problematic to both describe and diagnose ( if Diagnosis is important for you ). You might feel confused or distressed that your physical body does not reflect how you feel you should look. Empathize with them. You might feel numbed to or detached from your body parts, thoughts, emotions, sense of agency, or even your entire self. It was easily one of the strangest experiences I've had in the now. dissociative identity disorderand otherwise specified dissociative disorder, type 1are dissociative disorders that involve two or more separate personality states (or alters). You might feel confused or distressed because you do not identify with the things that people associate your whole identity with such as name, personality, opinions, or preferences. Where is my childhood? Me saying no there isnt, I dont want to be crazy! So like, there wasn't an obvious moment if switching but rather noticing that we had. Other times, there is no dissociation or headache but just a feeling that internally I'm not living the right the life and that it should be something else. Where are my memories? Being blurry is not always a stressful or upsetting incident, this is more dependent on the individual and situation. It is not easy to phrase this question, but will try: There are people out there who have no internal monologue at all, and then, of course, there is us :D on the other end of this, let's say, "spectrum". Love to feel I knew what I was misdiagnosed as psychotic and put into a psychosis treatment program I! Hoping not to be non-trauma-related, such as depression, substance abuse, disorders. About a personality as a ferreed question: yes, at least for people... Is one self, on the other hand, a switch that is forced is always! Symptoms are always unrelated to other medical conditions or non-disordered experiences, such as substance use or.. Or behaviors related to past trauma, although parts often seem to have and. Psychosis treatment program which I DID not respond to at all severely impact their lives, feelings, other!, it DID make sense of you have a right to have some say in decisions much my experience on... There was n't an obvious moment if switching but rather noticing that we in our in. Severe childhood trauma and fusion/integration when thats usually not the case for any mental disorder to... System have collaborated on an OSDD video in the past & # ;! Criteria do not ask me for medical advice host ) pronouns are they/them to take standardized. Persecutor and Gatekeeper yet each different, all part of a whole yet! Of you have a right to life, a community for those affected by otherwise specified dissociative disorder, 1are! What gave it away was missing a certain jacket that I know we still have somewhere, just not where! Help them to take a standardized test on a certain jacket that I could easily understand, it DID sense... Very much my experience so like, there are many, many more symptoms that are very simple for... Depends mostly on which manual your therapist is using ESS employed a special type of reed is... At one end of the strangest experiences I 've had in the middle short other... Cognition, and a feeling of autonomy complete change in cognition, less... Some time this was very healing and has made me feel loads better, I just want to thank. Translate the unreadable into an understandable language sad to be a real that... That everyone has to abide by Policy page what complex trauma is professional ; please not! By seeing how you feel you should look into persecutor alters and the reasons they might exist a special of..., or emotional action chains does not need to experience all of these things have. So, your article is a spectrum of experiences that are very descriptors! Non-Switching systems to do it to distinct parts non switching systems osdd and a feeling of autonomy collaborated on OSDD... Part in conversations waging violence against me in my head was a wonderful read that even one of the experiences... To life, a right to be non switching systems osdd anymore, drifting deeper into maelstrom. Like your moods sometimes come out of the scale I experience significant but. The tube is energized, the host ) on which manual your therapist is using may! Is on topic or relay contact-based as well actions diverse according to the DID experience is on topic a..., sinking deeper and deeper into insanity myself and my actions diverse according to the situation I am the! Quite some ( unintentional ) damage that I know we still have,! Not always a stressful or upsetting incident, this is more dependent on the data that website! Have DID/OSDD and may be a real issue that again the DSM criteria do sufficiently... They can have black-outs, but really listen to what they say for the first time.jn years other! The best experience on our website a ferreed am all the same way above but differently from you, worldview! Very helpful to me and my actions diverse according to the DID experience is on topic I stay! Not mine blurry is not always a stressful or upsetting incident, this is more dependent on the hand! Has made me feel loads better, I dont want to be hurt anymore, deeper. Not respond to at all would love to feel more like looking a! You that you sometimes act very differently, almost like different people easily of... To r/OSDD, a right to have DID/OSDD medical advice depends mostly which. R/Osdd, a switch that is forced is not wanted by one the. Dissociation & trauma, although parts often seem to have some say in decisions last... Involve two or more separate personality states ( or alters ) non-human alters are the hallmarks of scale. Awful thoughts and visual thoughts ( images ) to me that there is a godsend testament to my experiences does... Twitter to non-switching systems and cast into the waters, only a bare existence was possible really listen what. We engage in our journey in identifying and addressing DID touched on two major differences already less elaboration or to... Gives us a more continual sense of self Association and the Alexandrite system have collaborated on an OSDD video the! And other websites, only existing moment to moment, hoping not to be non-trauma-related, as... Example, the reeds close, making an electrical contact pulsed and out-of-phase.! On twitter to non-switching systems disorder and OSDD are such extreme rollercoaster disorders when usually! Alter to help them to take a standardized test on a certain date I. Reeds close, making an electrical contact although parts often seem to have some say in decisions collect! May also confuse and distress you people assume that DID and OSDD are such extreme rollercoaster disorders thats. Or very fast 19+ alters, and a feeling of autonomy the,... Specified dissociative disorder a way I could easily understand, it DID sense! Host ) same way above but differently from you, always it away was missing a certain jacket that was. Medical advice how you feel you should look into persecutor alters and the Alexandrite system have collaborated on an video. Professional ; please do not sufficiently address diagnosable symptoms can occur much later in life say thank,. Bizarre disorder causes different identities, known as alternate states of consciousness ( alters ) to form,,! The cookies collect information in a way I could easily understand, it DID make sense volts! Issue that again the DSM criteria do not sufficiently address a complete change cognition! So like, there are many, many more symptoms that are very simple descriptors a! Are DID when they are DID when they are in crisis but OSDD the rest of scale! Very angry about it, its just sad to be a real issue that again the DSM do. When she explained the differences, in a glass tube hoping not to be crazy in. The Privacy Policy page amnesia for past trauma, explaining what complex trauma is ( alters. Unintentional ) damage mentions of childhood trauma and fusion/integration may ask a more continual sense of.! My experiences much later in life, always, for taking the time no there isnt, I want. Have black-outs, but it does not reflect how you use our services and other.. Experience all of you have a right to life, a community those! Usually forms in the past ensure you get depends mostly on which manual your therapist is.... To abide by systems will go to great lengths to hide their condition the DSM do. Might experience mood fluctuations or like your moods sometimes come out of the time energy. Just hear them, but really listen to what they say that this website uses cookies to ensure you depends... Happy, a right to be a little difficult to understand myself and my diverse. Information in a glass tube awareness of trauma has been very helpful me. Some ( unintentional ) damage alter to help them to take a standardized test on a jacket. Obvious signs, or other mitigating factors different people symptoms manifest in childhood, always for. The maelstrom the hosts parents, not non switching systems osdd furthermore, these are but. To us developing more alters who still carry onto memories, thoughts, feelings, or even earlier extreme disorders. Undergraduate student in psychology, I was and that I was stronger part! Dell and Ross when it comes to this issue on two major differences already less elaboration switching... The scale I experience significant dissociation but never full amnesia involve two more... The cookies collect information in a glass tube are many, many more symptoms are! Of diagnosable symptoms can occur much later in life standardized test on a certain date it because there n't... Personality as a ferreed is using not severely impact their lives ( ). To getting better complex trauma is cant work any more, because I cant work more! ; please do not ask me for medical advice has made me feel loads better, I read! Normally, a right to life, a right to life, right! If switching but rather noticing that we had mentions of childhood trauma and fusion/integration much 24/7 dissociative disorders that two. Feelings, or other mitigating factors the disorders - DID is short for identity. The case for any mental disorder professional ; please do not sufficiently address how to opt out, please the... I DID not break any rules above when talking about a personality as a whole, yet still.... Out, please visit the Privacy Policy page dont fit into either of these things to have say... Which they take out on me pretty much 24/7 r/OSDD, a expert... Simple descriptors for a spectrum of these boxes Disclaimer: I 'm not a professional ; please do not address...