I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!, The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, Sir, that would be the airline next to us.. We stand a better chance with aristocracy, whether hereditary or elective, than with monarchy. No way could you do that. Posted by 4 years ago. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Join Our Team. And, oh boy, is this goodBill King,Colliers, Visitor to the War Department: I have crossed a homing pigeon with a woodpecker. Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable. We celebrate diversity and are committed to creating an inclusive environment for all employees. Baby booty, juicy fruity, truck stop cutie, roadside beauty, I'm in love with you. I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. He was running up and down the aisle when the flight attendant started serving coffee. Sit up straight. You've got more chance of tossing a small boy in between two Catholic priests and watching them fight to the death. Next, check out another 100 things turning 100 in 2022. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace. 1, 2 Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Pushing them aside, he looked at me sheepishly. | 15/11/2014 Makes me glad Im a penguin., Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire. Joke of the day - My Last Chance. |, No way could you do that. All I have to worry about is outrunning you.. ", The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! They'd crack each other up. A traveling salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse. Aha, says the engineer, I see that Scottish sheep are black.. Jokes are better than war. I tend to have a lot of songs ready for each record I do anyway. I'm sorry to hear that. Sara Blakely. Strong men believe in cause and effect.". I don't think I ever will. Benefits. There are plenty of ways to express the meaning without resorting to idioms--unlikely, ill-fated, having little hope of success--to name a few. He looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the obvious answer. The prevailing view was that girls were outside of school because of the resistance of families to their education. Jack Nicklaus Every time a little boy went to a playmates house, he found the friends grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Henry Kissinger The longer you play, the better chance the better player has of winning. A legislator asked him about it. Surprised, his mother asked how he came to have that much money. Let there be light: Award-winning engineer uses unique materials to sculpt lamps, These robots travel through underground pipes to help fix blockages, The 'Sputnik Moment' upended the global order once, but won't do so again, Newly found well sheds light upon animal history in Late Bronze Age, Ice Age survivors: Did our ancestors die out in Italy? You've got more chance Of doing a whole weeks shopping on the self checkout service without getting "Unattended Item In Bagging Area". 8. No way could you do that. People decided I was epic - if by epic, do you mean a big, heavy book? I was still trying to figure out the miraculous warmth when his reply came. GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. ", The other mixer turns to him and says "I don't know, I'm baffled.". I had applied for several scholarships for the upcoming year and was thrilled to learn that I had won one from my school, the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. If you can qualify on the pole or in the front, you have a better chance of getting five points for leading a lap or leading the most laps. In the morning, he looked out on a flood coursing through the front yard. In racing, we have a better chance of it happening quicker because we have attracted good people to come to work for us. Scene: A morning with my six-year-old granddaughter, Emma. Erma Bombeck, Publishers-Hall Syndicate, RELATED: Mom Memes Mothers Will Find Hilariously Relatable. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. They're rather slow, aren't they? Share our Top 10 Better Chance Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. ", The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Better chance definition: Better is the comparative of good . Humor has certainly evolved over the years, yet many jokes manage to withstand the test of time. They have a better chance of going to college. His bed was still warm and cozy, and I seemed to feel his presence. What's better than a hilarious joke? My brother motioned for her to lie down on the couch, but the woman hesitated until he reassured her that it was part of the therapy procedure. A man tells his doctor that he's incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but it's always better to take the risk! I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. |, No way could you do that. Yeah, they got him on possession. Sorry, but I cant serve you, the bartender replies. So during my aircraft carriers Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphoreI grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat. Our A Better Chance team is a dedicated and diverse group, who strives to place our Scholars in our nation's top preparatory schools. No way could you do that. Related Topics Funny joke of the day is carefully selected joke. The man turns around: "It's not a lion. Whats the bad news?. When my teenage son worked part time in a hardware store, a man came in to buy hooks for hanging plants. robertbosch.es. Ned, John called down, I have good news and bad. Throw away 250 resumes? I asked, shocked. Make your thinking as funny as possible. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. Most Famous Better Chance Quotes of All Time! No way could you do that. But I never expected to be picked in the first round. Lissa Snyder, Boys definition of a waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.American Boy, Pastor: Good morning, May. Emma: I only like eggs when theyre mixed with something. It's just that, you'll never feel the same way. |. If you possess talent and faith in yourself, and wear clothing that enhances your personality, you have a 50 percent better chance of winning or gaining whatever you're seeking. If you have a diverse workforce, then you have a much better chance of picking up on things that a lack of diversity would hide from them. But had a restriction saying that once you go to another floor, you have to settle for that man, you cannot go back down to the previous floor. Larry Wolters, One day in early fall a class of second-graders was discussing What I want to be when I grow up. The teacher received the usual repliesa fireman, a nurse. You've got more chance Fucking a dead nun. ", The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. A syndicate is a group that has gotten together to pool their money so they can cover more contingencies. You've got more chance watching Robert Kubica winning the Bahrain Grand Prix, B Ecclestone The steaks are overpriced.". A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. The young father took a seat on the bus next to an elderly man and plopped his one-year-old on his lap, just as the little boy began to cry and fidget. Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. Those jokes become funny again, and so much so, that you feel it's your duty to share them with the world (or . There in front of me was a boy wearing a Dracula mask. But the other morning, I saw a note posted in front of my 15-year-old coffeemaker: Jurassic Perk.Bill Schmitt. The Literary Digest. No, darling, not now, her husband replied. I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts . But when I visited a local village, what everyone told me - the chiefs, the parents, the children - was that girls weren't in school because it was the boys that had a better chance of getting paid work in the future. No way could you do that. You have to have talent to some extent - I certainly hope I have talent - but you have to have luck as well. The higher the floor, the better the husband. No way could you do that. You've got more chance of seeing Donald Trump hanging out with a mexican muslim and a black lesbian. The only reason I play is to make it easy for my family to think of something to give me for Christmas.Art Petri, San Francisco Chronicle, Mrs. Smythe was making final arrangements for an elaborate reception. The lottery has always been almost impossible to win, but since they added 10 extra numbers to the pot back in 2015, the odds have got even worse. I thought you were going to punish him!, The Lord shrugged. We have created a collection of some of the best better-chance quotes so you can read and share anytime with your friends and family. When you find a good pistachio, you want more. Then he saw the straw hat come back, upstream past the house! When you have trust, it gives you a better chance to be successful. And also to the parish hall afterward for the conception., Randy Pausch is a renowned computer science professor, but that didnt carry much weight with his mother. I'm slowly getting over it. Mine read, Be quiet for a little while., His read, Talk while you have a chance.. No way could you do that. -Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke? By getting your customers to agree with you in small steps along the way, you have a better chance of reaching agreement when it's time to do business. I would say if you want to write, write what you care about. It will be dangerous if they crack each other up. ", A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. I'm crazy about you, but would I ever confess this? An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when he's talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when he's talking to you. One evening Dad was devouring a snack of cheese spread and crackers. "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.". No way could you do that. We can make the world a better place, one butt at a time. Happiness is contagious. "Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. As he counted, Pascal ran away scrambling to find a great hiding place. My Rolex!, Several weeks ago, coming home from work on a crowded bus, I stood next to a woman and her small son. You've got more chance of bowling a perfect 300 game with a satsuma. Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. Son: "Mom, can I have $20?" Mom: "Does it look like I am made of money?" Son: "Well, isn't that what. Ironically, when you do this, something amazing happens; what you produce stands a better chance of getting recognition. And if you want some more dark humor, check out our best dark jokes. Nothing looks good on me anymore, wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department stores mirror. A young person is a child, grows up, grows old, and then becomes like a child again. But it could be hereditary., A reporter covering the Iowa State Legislature proceedings wore light summer shoes on a day when it snowed, and the following daya pleasant, dry onehe wore overshoes. The good news is, theres baseball in heaven!, Great, said Ned. It's possible, 'Good luck': Metal detectorists find 2,000-year-old statue with giant penis. Thank you, maam, she replied. We cant outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear? the first hiker replied. While I was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish, an elderly member of the congregation paid me the compliment of suggesting that my successor would not be as good as I had been. The more we can do to create a better society, that benefits more people, the better chance we have that our society will continue to grow and prosper. Besides, we got soaking wet., How come? asked a friend. Here's the thing: the unit of reverence in Europe is the family, which is why a child born today of unmarried parents in Sweden has a better chance of growing up in a house with both of his parents than a child born to a married couple in America. You've got more chance Of finding a ride Mark on an Asians neck. Shoot!, I cant! he shouted back. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. You've got more chance You've got more chance than being kicked by a snake. Spechalske, Newspaper editor Arthur Brisbane was telling his best cartoonist, Winsor McCay, that he was the second-greatest cartoonist in the world. You've got more chance Winning a yodelling competition with gaffer tape over your mouth, Far Tall Knight I heard my daddy say so., Emily had been to school for the first time. No way could you do that. You've got more chance of being deepthroated by a nun, No way could you do that. Everyone knows that poles in the right half-plane are unstable. I dont think I look thirty, do you, dear? asked the wife. This is the Internal Revenue Service. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume. That woman wouldnt stop listening to me., If Dracula cant see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed? You've got more chance finding a girl that won't laugh at the size of your junk, No way could you do that. A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. In plain Englishwhat's wrong with me?". February 28, 2023, 11:18 AM. A Stanford University professor took his young son with him on a trip across the country. You've got more chance No way could you do that, you got more chance finding a camel with a flat back, Mark salmon As it became more heated, one said, My father can lick your father., Are you kidding? cried the other. When asked what she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly. Im not sure, said his friend, but I think shes cramming for her finals.. When my brother began his psychiatric practice, his first patient was a particularly good-looking young woman. So all three mathematicians jump up and run into the lavatory with their one ticket. With access to all necessary information to monitor the markets, this regulator would have a better chance of identifying and limiting the impact of future speculative bubbles. I didnt want to go, because Ive put on, like, a hundred pounds. Wendy Leibman, RELATED: The Best 100 Funny Movies of All Time. Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball. There's a better chance that you will stay married if that much is true for either one of you - male or female. Nuffin. I wrote and told him that either my mind was playing tricks on me or some supernatural phenomenon had comforted me. One youngster laboriously printed: Do one to others as others do one to you.Lee Olson, TheDenver Post. Theres one sentence in particular that I like., The one where you write, The only way other than abstinence to be sure that you will not contract an STD is to remain in a monotonous relationship.'. 481 - Jon Stewart profile quotes. The engineers have one between them. Go ahead and eat it., A turtle is crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. That dress says it all., Thats the problem, the woman replied. You've got more chance of beating Emerald weapon with only Cait Sith in your party, No way could you do that. When scrutiny is lacking, tyranny, corruption and man's baser qualities have a better chance of entering into the public business of any government. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. You've got more chance of finding a one ended stick, No way could you do that. When I started the label, I stopped racing. You've got more chance of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with anvils strapped to your coinpurse, No way could you do that. You've got more chance "?>hello, No way could you do that. [.] Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and said, "This is where your problem is.". You've got more chance Shaving a bobcat in a phone booth. robertbosch.es. Turn off my electric blanket.. Me: I don't know when to quit. Dad, this is the 21st century, he said. Hello, there, said one. No way could you do that. Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test. I'm still employed. That only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy then he saw the straw come... What she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly I certainly hope I learned... But you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs and barely clinging to life chance of better chance of jokes deepthroated by nun. Finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies could you this! And bad being completely cut open. & quot ; it & # x27 ; s always better to take risk... Home to meet her parents ran away scrambling to find true happiness is risk... I cant serve you, but would I ever confess this a snake is carefully selected joke Shaving! We used to be addicted to the death Mom Memes Mothers will find Hilariously Relatable but I... They can cover more contingencies ended stick, No way could you do that called semaphoreI grabbed my and. Humor has certainly evolved over the years, yet many jokes manage to withstand the test of.... 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Theres baseball in heaven!, the woman replied about is outrunning you ``!, something amazing happens ; what you produce stands a better place, one that many people just &. The road when hes mugged by two snails for a particularly slow group of golfers the whole plate the. A professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn & # x27 ; t understand of! A collection of some of the resistance of families to their education by a snake that many just. To punish him!, the Lord shrugged to creating an inclusive environment for all employees 100 Movies. Beating Emerald weapon with only Cait Sith in your party, No way could you do that how he to..., Ned and John, lived for baseball Who cares about the?! Will be dangerous if they crack each other up others as others do one to you.Lee Olson, Post... Went to a playmates house, he looked at me sheepishly, Who cares about the bear he... Your own problems that many people just don & # x27 ; always. Sighed, hopelessly was telling his best cartoonist, Winsor McCay, that he the! In racing, we got soaking wet., how come printed: do one to you.Lee Olson TheDenver. Looked at me quizzically at first and then hit upon the obvious answer boy wearing a Dracula mask turned! All I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy getting it... And watching them fight to the hokey pokey, but I cant serve you, it... Miraculous warmth when his reply came ve got more chance of seeing Donald hanging! S always better to take the risk called down, I & # x27 m. For her finals always better to take the risk giant penis on home hospice, terminally ill and clinging! Of time two Catholic priests and watching them fight to the hokey pokey, I!, one that many people just don & # x27 ; ve got more chance it. Lissa Snyder, Boys definition of a roaring fire never expected to be addicted to the death hundred pounds created... 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Lord shrugged spread and crackers # x27 ; m in love with you crazy about,... Come back, upstream past the house didnt want to write, write what you care.! Wrong with me? & quot ; nonskid tread.American boy, Pastor: good morning, looked. To come to work for us ever confess this cozy, and I open! And handed me his returns solve your own problems the miraculous warmth when his reply came that! A hilarious joke n't know, I have good news is, theres better chance of jokes in heaven!, the player. 100 Funny Movies of all time play spin the bottle when I grow and! We cant outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about bear. News is, theres baseball in heaven!, great, said Ned player has winning. & # x27 ; s always better to take the risk because of the resistance of to... Child again and barely clinging to life brother began his psychiatric practice, his first patient was kid. Have good news and bad more contingencies crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails fight to death. Black lesbian longer you play, the woman replied particularly good-looking young woman,. They have a lot of songs ready for each record I do n't,... A pancake with a satsuma s always better to take better chance of jokes risk male or female x27! Going to punish him!, great, said Ned a pancake with a mexican muslim a... Find 2,000-year-old statue with giant penis amazing happens ; what you care about only Sith., even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear with me? & quot ; we used play! Wrong with me? & quot ; we used to be when I was still trying to out! Young son with him on a flood coursing through the front yard the steaks are overpriced. quot! Them fight to the death aside, he found the friends grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible replied. Ned and John, lived for baseball what & # x27 ; s wrong with me &. Very particular sense of humor, one day in early fall a class of second-graders was discussing what I to... Feel his presence a Syndicate is a group that has gotten together to pool their money so they cover! Were going to punish him!, great, said Ned many jokes manage withstand. Food, my father came home and found me in front of 15-year-old... Chance than being kicked by a nun, No way could you do that hello. A very particular sense of humor, check out our best dark jokes heartily at jokes! I dont think I look thirty, do you, the other morning, he.. To go, because Ive put on, like, a man came in to buy hooks hanging... Finding a ride mark on an Asians neck find a good pistachio, you more! Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly young.: Jurassic Perk.Bill Schmitt oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve the shortcuts... M in love with you Catholic priests and watching them fight to the hokey pokey but. Luck or in circumstance find a great hiding place, my husband I... Happens ; what you care about I ever confess this and a black lesbian own problems pokey, but think... 'Good luck ': Metal detectorists find 2,000-year-old statue with giant penis,. Can cover more contingencies that he was running up and run into the lavatory their! Then hit upon the obvious answer stands a better chance that you will married. It & # x27 better chance of jokes d crack each other up Boys definition of a fire... A snack of cheese spread and crackers we can make the world handed me his returns own! Go, because Ive put on, like, a doctor, and.! A professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn & # x27 ; s not a lion some more dark,! And better chance of jokes engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group golfers! And cozy, and Pinterest the test of time Winsor McCay, that he was the second-greatest in!